Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You need a sexual gate keeper
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
