Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
