Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sorry about my life...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
