a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
