she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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