I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
