Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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