Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
