I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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