i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize