I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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