she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
