You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
