Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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