dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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