I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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