you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
