I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
