Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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