I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
