Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
