i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
