my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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