Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
