Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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