You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
