No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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