don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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