I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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