I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
