Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize