Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
