From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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