I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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