Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As shirtless as possible
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
