Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think my moral compass just broke
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
