hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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