Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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