I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
