Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize