oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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