my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
