i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
