i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
sex in a hospital.. check
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
