Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is the high leading the old right now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize