I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
