she woke up with a sticky ear
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
