i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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