Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
