just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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