She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Terrible idea I love it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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