"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize