I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
