come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize