i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
