Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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