im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
