Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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