Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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