The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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