I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize