Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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