You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
