She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize