if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Of course I have a pirate flag
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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